July. Why do you hate us so?

Hey kids, I’m back. Look, it’s been a hellish July but August is looking much better (more on that later).

Oh July, you were once my favorite month. You were the first full month off from school, you were 4th of July month, summer month, beach month, swimming month, hanging out with my friends month. You eventually worked your way down the list--too hot month, too many weddings month, summer job month. July, you have finally fallen into last place. Yes, you are even behind February.
Here is what July did to us this summer:

Weather:
-Rainstorm #1--you dumped water in our basement.
-Rainstorm #2--you dumped a little less water in our basement because we hooked up the runoff pipes better. We are now going to pay a "water specialist" $120 an hour to give us advice on what to do, not fix anything, just give advice.
-You provided us with the hottest week of the summer.
-Hurricane #1--(maybe it wasn’t a hurricane but it felt like one)--you pulled down trees all over the neighborhood; you knocked out power for 2+ days (not ours but still inconvenient); you created a power surge that killed the motor in our air conditioner (did I mention it was the hottest week of the summer?); you made Adam lie to A/C service company by telling them we had senior citizens in the house (sorry to Adam’s parents); you made me spend $109 on a window A/C unit; you made me, my husband, and my 100 lb. dog sleep in a 6 x 6 room on the Aerobed for 5 nights (with the window A/C unit); you made the temperature in the house top off at 88 degrees.
-Hurricane #2--(4 days after Hurricane #1)--you knocked out power for 26 hours (ours included), you made it impossible (during the hottest week of the summer, have I mentioned that?) to use a fan, you made the temperature in the house top off at 91 degrees, you spoiled the food in my fridge (you didn’t get the freezer though), you made me sleep on the porch 5 x 6 with my husband and my 100 lb. dog, you knocked down 2 trees in my yard costing me $500 (hey, other companies wanted to charge $1200, so it was really a bargain).

House crap (is not July’s fault but it reeks of guilt-by-association):
-Electricians never showed up.
-Electricians finally showed up and charged us double. Adam bitched and got money knocked off the bill.
-Electricians broke their drill and have to come back for a third time.
-A/C dudes wait 3 days to order the part and it takes 3 more days to come it (I won’t say it again…).
-Drywallers (not sure what they are called) tell us the job will be 2 days, they take 3. We stupidly hire them to do another job, they say 2 days, they take 4 (still counting).
-The kitchen cabinets are mostly in, one is broken and 2 have blue marks all over them. We are waiting for the replacements. We can’t order countertops until the cabinets are finished. We ordered floor tile that won’t be in for 2 weeks. We might have a kitchen by October. Mmmm, frozen meals and takeout. We would be grilling but it is a) too hot outside to grill and b) the grill is underneath one of the trees that needs to be cut down.

Oh yeah, we had to pay about $1200 to register our cars. What the hell is an excise tax and why do I have to pay it? NY doesn't have this bogus annual charge....

Other Shitty July items:
-Sandra Day O’Connor retired.
-Boyscouts were electrocuted.
-Boyscouts were struck by lightning (is there a message here folks?).
-London was bombed.
-London was almost bombed.

I know there are other crappy things I could write about. I'm not in the mood and looking forward to August. If you have July-related good news, PLEASE, PLEASE, send it to me. Otherwise, I’ll be holed-up someplace next July.